Josh didn't sleep at all last night, so I drove most of the way to Seattle today. And I suddenly had a profound thought while I was going 70 MPH on I-5.
I was right next to a car, and my imagination went wild. What if that car suddenly came into my lane, for just a split second? Disaster.
[ok that wasn't my profound thought...]
And then something popped into my head that I heard awhile ago.
"There is freedom within boundaries."
"Well," you might think, "that makes no sense, and it's completely oxymoronic."
That's what I thought at first, too. But think about it. Remember when you were a kid, and your parents told you that you had to stay within sight of them when you played at the park? Or to not go past the edge of the driveway? Beyond those borders is danger. It's the same as when you're driving. I've been to third world countries like Mexico and Puerto Rico and Haiti, where the lines in the road mean nothing. It's absolute chaos. But when you're driving in America, people follow the rules with the lines, except for the occasional drunk, of course. But what if randomly, people just decided to drive wherever the heck they wanted to?
[ok, those are lines, but you get the idea...]
Obviously, we wouldn't be safe anymore.
I think people get so defensive about having freedom because they think it means they can do whatever they want. But, if we could do whatever we wanted, this world would be even worse than we could fathom. We are sinful people, by nature. Just think about it; What if we had no laws, or boundaries, or borders, or fences...?
you've all heard of being bored to tears. but have you ever been tired to tears?
and it seems like a very common state of mind for me these days.
last night, I took photos for the christian school's banquet. One of the students asked me to about a month ago, before I knew about opening the new coffee shop. The banquet was lovely, but I was so tired. I did my best to take pictures with full energy, but by 9, I was spent, and there was still another hour left.
When I showed up, I wasn't prepared for the setting. I knew it was going to be an indoor banquet, so I brought my bounce flash. But this was a huge barn, where a bounce flash wasn't going to do much. Panic began to set in, which always happens easier when I'm exhausted. And I was exhausted. I think I finally got a good setting for the photos, but I felt so awkward. It's been awhile since I've done a large shoot like that. I was out of practice. It felt like the first day of school again, not knowing anyone. But then I realized there were a few faces I recognized, and got a little more comfortable. But, since when am I awkward and uncomfortable with groups?
I felt like I was fighting myself all night. I was tired, and trying to have a good attitude, but I don't know how well of a job I did.
We open our new coffee shop on Friday, and I need to have these photos done by Saturday. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Coffee. lots of coffee. Maybe I can get someone to help me edit.
I got home around 10, and crawled into bed with my friend Calli, and cried. I felt so grumpy, and I missed Josh. He was in Mosier, house sitting, and I saw him for literally 2 minutes before I went to work that morning. I talked with Calli for awhile, with heavy eyes. And then I realized something. 6 months ago, I was gung-ho on starting up a photography business. Now, weddings and large events like that aren't my forte. I'm more comfortable with individual sessions, or detailed photos. I guess I'm glad I learned that before I started a photography business. Its a strange feeling, realizing that your passions are changing, and your life is changing.