breaking routine.

i've been trying to go to bed earlier this last week. its been hard for me.
i'm such a night owl. [check out the time of the blog posts...1 am. 3:30.... you get the idea.]
so i've done pretty well this week, being sick and all.
but tonight i'm going against my attempted new habit. 
i'm editing senior photos (that are fabulous) as long as my eyes will stay open. 
I just finished miss Chelsea's bunch. I shall post some of my favorites later :)
I have about a billion of Livi to go through. 
Tomorrow I'm meeting up with Hannah to pick her favorites. Hers were anything but expected...very high fashion!! loved it.

tonight was supposed to be my last night (last night on the schedule) but i knew it wasnt the end yet. Lisa asked me to work on Wednesday. after that...no answering the phone!! 

selling the car tomorrow. its a bitter-sweet time.
my barbie car, which won me the 'worst wheels' award my senior year.
the title barbie.
many stares.
got me through 4 winters.

anyways, i need to keep editing. many many to go.


cleaning up.

yes. cleaning everything. 
i started to prep lafawnduh today. made me very sad. 
worked my last day shift, said a few goodbyes.

mom dad and i began to go over everything that i need to do before i leave. and now i can feel the stress creeping up on me. 

one day at a time.

tonight: editing livi's senior photos. i need to get a good chunk of those done.
tomorrow: finish cleaning the car. ANOTHER last minute photoshoot. my last day of work. 
i have until the 30th to finish editing all of the senior photos. oiy. 
then packing. so much packing. 
'just pack like youre going on a two week vacation. set aside what you'll need. then pack the rest for school!' 
this is the advice my mother is giving me. i think it will work for me.

i have to go to wells fargo and figure out my account limits. 
call apple and get the rebate on my macbook. 

and the list just keeps growing. 

i feel like im repeating myself. i do that alot when im stressed out. 
but i need to keep reminding myself how excited i am. 
that - and alot of caffeine - will keep me going :)


buckle up.

this is where things start to get rough.
crunch time.
two days of work left.
thirteen days until I leave. 
mom and I started to tackle the garage today, but once the sunshine went away, we got grumpy and cold. we got about half way done.
it just hit me today, how close the end of being here is.

thirteen days.

that's really not alot of time. 
i bought storage boxes today. time to start filling them up.

its so hard to focus on packing between being sick, work, saying goodbyes, and being randomly inspired and energized on occasional sunny days. FOCUS, LAUREL!

I said my goodbyes to emmy lou today. It was so much fun working with her. We were in choir together for a few years, but never really got to know each other. This last summer was a great chance :)  she and her boyfriend are taking off to EUROPE tomorrow. Seems like everybody is doing that...and I'm so happy for them. I strongly believe in seeing as much in your life as possible. And these days, record and document as much as possible. There are so many lovely things in the world that I have yet to see. So many things that need to break my heart and make me appreciate life all over again. So many things that will make me feel like the most insignificant being in the universe, that put you in your place. [you arent the center of the universe. take a moment and remember that.] Yes, I have much in life to see. 

[my 'fatties' sisters. the best bussers in the world!]

As if I dont have enough on my plate, I decided to take on one last project. I took chelsea's senior pictures today. I still have to edit livi's. Golly...they're due by the 1st. Thank goodness I do best under pressure ... CRUNCH TIME!

Today was such strange weather for the photoshoot. It was super sunny, which creates a challenge, but we made it work. And out of nowhere, it started POURING rain...but it was still sunny? Homer has the most indecisive weather in the world. But, it did make for some cool pictures.

And politics. Good grief. Its everywhere. Can't we just vote already? I'm pretty sure everybody's mind's are made up about who they're voting for. I'm just sick of the fighting. I've never been a big fan of it. 



I could hardly move today. Poor momma isn't feeling too good either, but she had to baby me, non-the-less. 
It's beginning to hit me how much i have to do in two weeks. wow. 
I just took on another senior portrait shoot. 
Getting my hair cut in the morning (completely forgot about that, but remembered thanks to my handy icalendar :)
Training Grace tomorrow to replace me at work.
Packing. Mass amounts of packing. 
My goodbye party.
I don't want to think about anything else. My head hurts too much already. A mix between no caffeine and dehydration. Lovely. 
But I know I can do this. I have so many people here to help me, and the wisdom from Christ to help me prioritize. 



i don't like today. gross weather. i think my head is going to explode, followed by either my legs or stomach. and i'm selling my car. i shall miss lafawnduh so very much. 

the guy i'm selling her to really made me mad today. he's been pressuring me to sell it to him since june. and we've tried several times to meet up so he could look at it in a shop (he's a mechanic and i think a CRACK HEAD! ug.) but he kept backing out or changing the times. I nearly freaked out at him today. I was at my end, being frustrated and sick. whatever. so he finally got to look at it today, and he's going to give me a deposit tomorrow. i'm thankful that he's giving me what i paid for her, but it still makes me sad. 


so I got sick around three. and i had to work at 5. i went in, and my stomach finally started feeling better, but it then went to my head. i got the worst headache, and got extremely dizzy. i felt like i had blocks of concrete for shoes. i could hardly move. or think. and then people kept coming in, saying,
'we have a group of 5, with two kids.'
'okay, it will be just a few minutes. we'll let you know when your table is ready.'
so then i get everything ready, and at least three times tonight, the people left while i was setting up the table. i thought i was going to cry. so i'm really really hoping that i'm not sick tomorrow.  one, because its a good crew tomorrow night, and two, because i'm the only busser. i train Grace in a few days, but until then, I have to room for being sick.
Ug. I am so very very ready to be done.

simple. beautiful.

Overlooking the sea, contemplating the waves as they kiss the shores ever so gently.

"We ourselves feel that who we are is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop. "  -Mother Teresa.


happy official first day of fall.

It makes sense to me now. But I didn't wake up knowing it was the 'official' first day of fall today. 
It was definitely fall. A crisp breeze and glorious colors made sure to be a bit colder and a bit brighter today. It was sunny, and amazing. 

I happened to have today off, and spent it with some pretty amazing ladies. We got outside and enjoyed the sun. I think its been about a month since we've had some good sun rays. Thats just ridiculous...

"Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life." 

I'm beginning to make my rounds of goodbyes. I hate goodbyes. I'm planning my big going away party; I think I've invited around 60 people. We'll see who shows up. I had a really funny conversation with Drew and Colin today. Colin walked up and heard something about a party I was planning, and asked, "Oh, a surprise party? For who?"
So Drew and I decided to go along with it.
"Yes, I'm planning my own surprise party!!"
"Alright, everybody hide so I can act surprised..."
"Oh my gosh...you shouldn't have!!"
Those boys always have me laughing so hard. I will miss them so.

I met up with the lovely 'bay dweller' for blogging 101 this afternoon. She is so lovely, and as she put it so perfectly today, "It's never hard for the two of us to find things to do together..." We always have so much fun together, just giggling like little girls, making funny faces, trying to talk Italian....its never dull. I believe we are true kindred spirits :) Our walk will forever remain with me. The sun was perfect around 5, making the lighting absolutely amazing. We kept stopping at the same time to take pictures of the same things. I don't think it could have been any better.

"How do you do this??"

Is this Narnia?

[you can look but don't touch]

The ESSENCE of fall

[one of its many phases]

colors. my favorite part of autumn.

[almost] October sky.

Another glorious day on the Katchemak Bay

My second mother.

I am so very blessed to live here.

Taking our parts in daily admiration.



So, I have decided that I'm going to try to post a blog every day. Even if it is just a single photo. 
My friend about an assignment she had for the year : take a picture every single day and post it. And she's actually continued doing it the last few years. I like that idea. 
So my goal is to take at least one picture every day and post it. It's probably going to be hard for me to not write something about it; whether it be little side thoughts or my muse for the day.
This is going to be fun ...  


Mom and I are beginning to lay out plans.
I only have like 5 days of work left, sprinkled between the next two weeks.
So on my days off, I'll begin the long process of going through everything, deciding what I will need in Oregon, and what can stay boxed up here in AK.
Silly sentimental me. I'm such a pack-rat... so it's time to be brutal. If you haven't used it in three months, chances are you won't use it any time soon. And then the next big challenge...the garage! Lordy...it's such a disaster area in there from the LAST move we had. We're both dreading this large hurtle.
Today we went through phone plans online and picked out phones. I was really bummed out to discover that my AK phone number can't be carried over to T-Mobile; I was hoping that would work out, so people here could still call me without getting charged long distance.
It's beginning to sink in, how soon this is happening. Every time I think about it, my stomach fills with those silly butterflies. Excitement. Nerves. [I tend to react to new things that way :]

Change is definitely in the air.
Changing of seasons.

Leaves changing color; and colors leaving.

Crisp winds, freshly snow-capped mountains, less tourists. Summer pace is out the door. Things are winding down, but picking up, too.

Fall has always been a strange time in my life. Especially this year. Working a night job really screws up my sleeping schedule. I'm energetic by the time I get off of work (between 9:30 and 10:30 depending on the night). In the summer, it wasn't such a big deal because everybody stays up late in the summer. But now, by 11, everyone else is already home and sleeping. So now I just go home, and stay up until 2 A.M. editing photos and listening to music. Muse over my life. Having mass amounts of 'alone time' is really unhealthy for me. This much time to think scares me, because I often focus on my problems, thinking in circles of insanity. Drama has avoided me the last few weeks, and I am still sane - and very thankful for that.
I absolutely love my job, but sometimes I wonder how healthy it is for me socially. I miss out on alot with my friends, because i ALWAYS work weekend nights. And lets face it...everything happens on the weekends. My little 'circle' has gotten used to my answer.
"Hey are you free tonight?"
"No, I'm working. Remember? I have no life..."
So now, even though work is slowing down, people kind of forget about me because I have secluded myself. Its a sick cycle, really. But I do it to myself. So I find myself torn again. I am grateful for the break from work, but I am going to miss it SO much since it has pretty much been my life this last year.
Ug. I need a life....

[Sorry that my blogs are so spread out. As time goes on, I'm sure that they'll get more focused. Welcome to my confusing mind. It has the ping-pong effect...its everywhere.]


new beginnings.

people tell me to keep in touch. and i mean to. really, i do. i just suck at it. thats all.

i open accounts in myspace. facebook. yahoo mail. AIM. and try my best. but i mainly stick to one. 

so as i head off to school (Ecola Bible School in Cannon Beach, Oregon), i want to keep everyone updated. i know everyone doesnt have facebook these days, so i thought i might give this a shot. 

plus, it might be a good outlet. who knows. 

so....lets do this!

i am filled with so many emotions right now. mainly getting all sappy and sentimental. which is good, but i know i'm so very ready for a new phase in life. that term is getting very old to me, but it still stands very true. i stayed in homer this last year for a few reasons. 

1. i wasnt ready to leave yet. wasnt ready to get out on my own, away from mom and dad. so, i knew that if i stayed in homer for a year, i would get sick of it, with everyone gone.

2. save money. which i did pretty well. i saved over double of what i needed for school tuition, a camera and laptop. so i'm pretty proud of that :) plus, working so much got me ready for a break. thats such a weird thought to me...school is going to be my break. oh well.

3. examine myself and see what i really want out of life. i learned alot this year. about myself, about other people, about relationships. about limits and goals. it was a good learning year. not necessarily a good year all together, but i'm very thankful for my new found knowledge. i know that photography is more than a phase in my life. i love it, and its such a huge goal of mine, to continue to learn as much as i can about the subject. it helps that it runs in the family :) its so strange talking to the kids from my class. so many have already switched schools or majors. a few are already pregnant or married. ug. i can't even imagine it at this age. i have so much to do in this life, and i want to get quite a bit of it done before i have any more MAJOR distractions.

life is about to change drastically for me. my first big step out of the house. sure, i'm not moving or going to a big time college, but hey. its something. and i can't wait honestly. 

i'm leaving.
mom and dad are leaving.
so much change in such a short amount of time.
i learned this about myself: i am a very routine person...very scheduled. so i'm really hoping i wont short-circuit with all these changes.
please be praying for me. i have so much to learn. this is going to be a stretching year for me. i know it is...i've been praying that God would stretch me. i need it to happen. i need changes. drastically...