small bites.

Life has been a bit overwhelming lately. For the whole Taylor clan, it seems. A couple of weeks ago, Grandpa Taylor fell and broke his hip. He has been in The Dalles hospital since then, in recovery. Doctors told Grandma, Janet and John, that Grandpa would need 24 hour care when he was released. The decision was made to have Grandma and Grandpa move into Janet and John's house (my in-law's). But it was only a week away. So, for the last week, its been a mad scramble to get the house ready for a move. Grandma is a realtor, and they've been trying to sell their house already. Looks like it might be selling in a few weeks. Praise God!

While all of this was happening, here's a few more things to add on top of it all.

- my car died. Not a big deal, John is a mechanic! Oh wait. He's slightly overwhelmed. So I've been hitching rides from family for the last week.

- Josh got poison oak again, while installing a window in Mosier. Poor thing. He's so allergic to the nasty stuff.

- Josh's work drill broke. I had been planning on buying him a new drill, one that he had his eye on, for Christmas. Well, merry early Christmas. We went and bought it that day.

- Our cruise in February fell through. I was a mess. Josh couldn't get time off work, because his boss is having shoulder surgery, and won't be able to lift anything for 6 months. At first, I called the cruise company, and tried to get our deposit on the tickets back. They said it wasn't possible. I went to work that evening, and Josh fixed it. He's my hero <3 So, hopefully we can go on a cruise, next year.

- And I got sick. awesome. probably from stress + lots of work + not enough sleep + cold season. duh.

I'm sure there's more, but that's the majority of it all. But really, we've been pretty calm through the whole thing. I believe it's God just giving us peace and clarity of mind, so that we can get stuff done for the family.

Well, I probably had the first freak out. Josh held me and calmed me down. He asked me, "How do you eat a whole elephant?" I didn't know. "One bite at a time." His dad told him that sound advice. I love his family / my new family. So any time that one of us has a freak out moment, we just ask each other that question. Helps put things in perspective.

It's been a rough week, obviously, but I have SO much to be thankful for. And I praise God, that I see those things, because I am normally Negative Nancy.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! I hope everyone has a blessed day.

marriage.

Today, at work, Josh texted me a long message. And I would like to share that with you.

"Oh, how I love you my darling. A mashup of Snow Patrol and The Police just came on the radio. 'If I lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world.' Hearing this all I could think of is how our marriage is like a good mashup. Two great songs by themselves, but when added together, the beauty each contained is accented and amplified by the other. You can still recognize the individuals, but you never want to hear the songs apart again. This mashup is their destiny. So beautiful. Laurel, you are my destiny. You are my harmony. With you, my song is better, and so is yours. They were always meant to play alongside each other. I love you more than I will ever understand. And I am continually blown away by life with you. I never want to listen to the song by itself again. We're playing together now. Forever."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__3McxusO7Y

Sigh. I love this man. He is my heart, and he can express it better than I ever could. How blessed am I, to have him as my husband?

one year.

A year ago I was so torn. I had two lives, really. One waiting for me to continue in Oregon, and one being finished in Alaska. I was moving out of the house for good. No more coming back for the summers, when school was done. This was a huge step for me; I am so very close with both of my parents. Not only was I moving to a different state, but in a month I would be getting married. Such a rush of emotions.

I have a really hard time living in the present. And I always end up kicking myself for it. I have things to look forwards to, and base my happiness off of that goal. But what happens when it arrives? Usually, it's amazing. But I was so focused on the future that I didn't enjoy what I had in the moment. I did that with Homer. I was so eager to leave, so eager to be with my fiance. And when the time came to FINALLY leave, I didn't want to.

I'm not saying that being with Josh, who is now my husband, is disappointing. No no no. Not at all! It's more than I was dreaming, than I could ever hope for. I love him. So so much.

But let's just recap what has happened in a year, shall we?

I left homer, bound for Oregon. A tearful goodbye.

2700 mile road trip.

5 girls, 3 cars. It was definitely an adventure I will always hold dear in my heart.

I moved into a very tiny apartment (which we named the shoebox) by myself. Something I had never done. Just a few more weeks, and I would have a roommate!

And we finally got married!! It was a perfect day.

And soon, married life became the new normal.

It was definitely a year for weddings! Went to Vancouver to shoot a wedding for some friends from school. A project to keep me busy, I'll take it!

A few weeks later, Mom and Dad were heading south for the winter. So they stayed in town for a few days.

Unfortunately, the shoebox turned out to be a disaster. We got carbon monoxide poisoning, and had to temporarily move into my in-law's place.

I had a job interview at a small coffee roasting company, and got the job! OH happy day!

And because I got a job, we were approved to rent a wonderful cabin!

We moved into our new house immediately, and then went to Texas for Christmas! Josh survived meeting my crazy family :]

I started my job, and eventually got into the swing of things.

Mom flew up to Oregon, for our birthday. Yes, we share a birthday. I normally don't like birthdays, but this made it extra special.

Then out of the blue, my boss asked me to start developing pastry recipes. He was planning on moving to a new location in Hood River, and it would have a kitchen. So, recipes I did indeed start testing.

Suddenly, spring showed up, and was welcomed warmly.

Which meant that my parents were once again passing thru Oregon. And they too were welcomed warmly.

And then a new opportunity presented itself. I was offered the manager position of a new store that we would be opening very quickly.

In the middle of all the new store opening, a dear friend came to visit for a few short days.

We successfully opened the new 10-speed in White Salmon! What a rush.

The next few weeks mostly consisted of getting into a routine with the new shop. work work work.....

With a wedding thrown in, of course. Like I said...it's the year of weddings!

The eagerly anticipated 4th of July came. And I finally got to spend it with my love.

A few weeks later, we drove to California, to shoot another lovely wedding.

Turned right back around the next weekend for my sister-in-law's wedding! Phew. Glad that is done. 3 weddings in 18 months, in our family alone.

Well, that pretty much brings us up to current date. I just bought tickets for a Caribbean cruise in Febuary! It's going to be our belated honeymoon. Next month is already our 1 year anniversary. I can't believe it! I think we deserve a vacation.

Sometimes, I'm just exhausted. And then I think back on this year and give myself a little break. Yeah, its been busy. But that is me, I suppose. It's been so good, coming upon challenges, like baking and opening a new coffee shop, and been able to face them head on. Our next big mile marker is beginning to buy the White Salmon store, starting in January. It's a bit frightening, but overall, it's going to be a huge investment. Here's to future challenges, and being able to face them, with the love of my life!

framed.

We finally finished a project that we've been working on for a few months now!

I got this window from my husband's workshop. He installs glass, and sometimes they save old pieces in decent shape. His boss gave this one to me for free! Can't beat that. You can't see it in this image, but it it still has it's old hardware on <3

Sand it down, paint it fresh. I feel like I do this a little too often...

Do you like my drying method?

Next, I had my handy handsome husband cut down the piece that would go in the middle. I made it into a chalkboard! I do love me some chalkboard paint. Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures of that boring step. Haha.

We found an old memo board in Josh's "mancave" at his parents house, when we were sorting everything for a garage sale. On one side was a white board, and the other was a cork board. They were simply glued together, so we ripped it apart. I cut the cork board down to fit into another piece of the window, and covered it in fabric I bought from wal mart. Again, no pictures. Oh well.

We went to the recycle center in town (love it!) and found so many materials for several projects. Including this - sheet metal. Only, it was in the form of an old air duct. So once again, my husband to the rescue. Nothing some strong hands and tin snips couldn't handle! We covered the sharp edges (careful!) with electrical tape, and then covered the whole thing in the same fabric I used to cover the cork board.

Put it all together aaaand....

Tada! Pretty cute, huh? Of course, it's in the green room. So there you go. The ultimate memo board! Magnet board, chalk board, and cork board, all in one! I love recycling materials <3

pet peeve.

There are several things I do not understand about the facebook world. Most of them, I just ignore or block. But one of them is a major pet peeve and it gets under my skin every time. It's the mass email, sent only to girls. Ladies, I'm sure you've all at some point had this kind of message appear in your inbox.

OK pretty ladies, it's that time of year again, in support of breast cancer awareness!! Remember last year so many people took part that it made national news and, the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we're doing this and helped raise awareness!! Do NOT tell any males what the status' mean, keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message )this to all your female friends to see if we can make a bigger fuss this year than last year!!! I did my part... now YOUR turn!
The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the girls only and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went round all over the world. So you'll write... I'm (your birth month) weeks and I'm craving (your birth date)!!! as your status.

Example: Feb 14th= I'm 2 weeks and craving Chocolate mints!!

etc. etc.

I'm really not sure why it bugs me SO much, but I just don't get it. Why is posting your status that has nothing to do with breast cancer (which makes you sound pregnant, nonetheless...) helping raise the awareness? Why not just post your status as "HEY GUESS WHAT. It is breast cancer awareness month. Be aware." But I still don't see what that is doing to help. It's just telling you to be aware, not to donate or do anything. So, it's still kind of pointless. But, then again, why does breast cancer need more awareness? It's not like people don't know about it. I can confidently say that anybody who has a facebook account either a) has a family member who has battled breast cancer, even it is their second cousin twice removed or b) knows someone who knows someone.

It's not a secret.

How about posting something about the sex trade? That is going on all over the nation, and it's being swept under the rug.

Ok. I'm done venting.

dust.

Up and Down.

I feel like a crazy person sometimes. Have I said that before? Oh, I think so.

Today was one of those annoying days. Woke up exhausted and little things kept going wrong. I was Mrs. Grumpy pants by the time I left for work. I gradually woke up, and cheered up. It ended up being a good work day, with pleasant customers. Andy came in again, and we did a ton of baking. Ended up being a 10 hour day.

Came home exhausted, and took a nap, because I had worship practice at 630 and I didn't want to be Mrs. Grumpy pants again. But that's what ended up happening. As soon as I woke up, I started having an allergy attack. And I had allergy meds in me. I don't know what I'm allergic to, so I'm extremely irritated about my reactions. So, off I went to worship practice, in a bad attitude.

For the second time in my day, things were good and I slowly cheered up. Yay.

But whatever. That isn't really what I'm trying to write about. I came home, and Josh was building a "grilling station" for himself. I ran up to him for a hug. I needed one. And suddenly, I was overwhelmed. He smelled just like my daddie. Sawdust. I started crying immediately. Totally didn't see that one coming. Josh understood, and gave me an extra long hug. I told my mom what happened, and she said, "Ooooh, that makes me cry! But you shouldn't miss your dad, since you're MARRIED to him!"

And it's so true. Josh is so much like my dad. And I'm very happy about that. My father is a great man, and the hardest worker I've ever know. I have so much respect for both my father and my husband, and I'm so very blessed that they LIKE each other! Haha. It's corny jokes galore when the two of them are together. I am blessed, to have bolth of them in my life.

cowboys and aliens.

happy friday!

It was a great day, all around. An average work day, but started training my brother in law Andy. I'm SO excited to have him on staff. The goal is to have him as the cook eventually. Expanding the food menu, and I need help, since I'm maxed out. Andy is so beyond thrilled to be working at 10-speed, with food and people. Its a good match.

Josh and I went to see Cowboys and Aliens tonight, because we're nerds. And we sat next to a few nerds, as well. A cute, younger couple, who were obviously in the first throes of romance. Gah! so cute! We sat there, watching advertisements for about a half hour, and made fun of them, with the couple. It was great. Just one of those silly moments you will always look back on, with fond memories. "Hey, remember that time we went to that movie? And sat next to strangers and laughed with them? Yeah. I remember that." We never even got their names. But that almost makes it better. Complete strangers.

Oh, and the movie was amazing. A little cheesy here and there, but I give it a 4 out of 5. Good lines, a loyal dog, Harrison Ford, some good action, and a few very deep, well written moments. Find a nerd friend, and go watch it.

sheesh.

I just don't know when the whirlwind will end!

Yesterday, I worked opened at 10 speed, and took off about noon to meet up with my friend Robin. She owns this store (adore it!) and needed some of her stuff photographed on models for her website. No, I wasn't her main photographer, just a trainee :]

Robin has a girl friend, Jennifer, who is a legit professional photographer. Like works for an agency, profesh. Wish I could tell you which one, but let's just say that I was intimidated ... alot.

So the goal was for me to watch Jenn direct and coach the models. It was so amazing! This girl was so laid back and then out of no where, she would bust some amazing poses. I was floored, and learned so much from her. I hope in the future, Robin will have me do some shoots for her website, since Jenn lives in Arizona.

Today, I was so beat after the shoot. I'm not sure if I ever woke up. I had to stay extra late at work, to do extra pastry prep, because I'm taking off for California for the next 5 days. I'm really looking forwards to this road trip with my sweetie. We haven't had a true road trip yet. We're heading towards Sacramento, for a wedding. Josh is a groomsman, and I am shooting the wedding. Dan and Savannah are friends of ours from school, and I am so thrilled to take pictures of their beautiful day. I just love them. I just don't know how I'm going to handle the 100+ degree weather....ice pack on the neck, maybe? ;)

I had lots of errands to run after work in my zombie-like state. It was such a dragged out day. I stopped by my Mother-in-law's [AKA, Ma] to drop off a few things. It was a party at the Taylor household, (more like a cleaning party haha) and I ended up sticking around. I love my in-law's. It's weird calling them my in-law's, because they're my family now. Anyways...I came home and started packing, and Josh changed the oil. Then, OFF TO THE FAIR! Oh, what a wonderful night. We mostly went for the food. And it did not disappoint. We went on one ride; the ferris wheel. It was my one request, since I had never been on one before. I loved it, especially since I was sharing that silly/sweet experience with my love.

I am wiped out. The only reason I'm writing this instead of sleeping is because I'm downloading all my images from my cards, so I don't need to drag along my external hard drive to California. Just a feeeeew more minutes, and then I am off to bed!

So we get back from California on Sunday some time, and we are definitely taking Monday off. Tuesday, back to work, and Wednesday, my mom flies in! YAY! Why? Because my sister-in-law Liz is getting married next weekend. Bam. Talk about busy. But it's a good busy. It's wedding season!

ok. bed time for this zombie.

pain.

What a rough day. I'm pretty sure my cyst is coming back. Just when it feels like we're making headway on saving up money, disaster strikes! well, ok. it might not be disaster, but let's face it. I'm a bit on the dramatic side, especially when it comes to pain. I am, a pansy.

I plan on calling Christian Healthcare on Monday. I'm really really hoping that they will have immediate coverage. I'm also really hoping to be able to take care of this in a clinic, instead of the ER this time. This could go really well, or absolutely terrible. Being the negative-nancy I am, of course I'm preparing for the worst. I know I'm going to need surgery, since this is the third time I've had this pilonidal cyst. If you haven't had one, you are lucky, and cannot imagine the pain.

Whenever I am in pain, or preparing for pain, I am the worlds biggest grump. I feel so bad for Josh. I am also the hardest person to try to console. It's a bad combo. But I do have a wonderful husband. I was in tears for a good two hours, stressed and worried. We were sitting in the living room, looking into the kitchen, and I said something about wishing I could paint. (Our house is full of wood. yuck.) And then Josh said that we will someday build a house together. "Right," I said. "because we're saving so much money between the hospital bills." And then he looked me in the eyes, and said, "I married you, and promised to love you, through sickness or health. Well, that wasn't actually in our vows, but....you know..." I love him. He is truly amazing.

I feel like the worst person in the world on days like this. Its so very humbling. I'm angry, and upset, and feel like I have every right to be. I really don't. I wish I could justify my behavior, but it just boils down to the fact that I am a selfish person. I know bad things happen in the world. I see it all the time. Yet, I react horribly any time something bad happens to me. And I don't know why, or how to change my reactions. I'm coming to realize that I believe something: that I don't deserve these bad things that happen to me. When did I start to believe that lie? Of course I deserve them. I am a sinner, unworthy of love, or blessings. Yet, Christ has saved me, and made me righteous. I feel so ugly and dirty when I look back at my actions, pouting over something bad, big or small. God is showing me His love, through Josh. I love marriage. I love my husband. And I love Jesus. His love is so overwhelming, and it's embarrassing that I can simply force myself to forget that when I go into a pity party.

My moods are intense. When I am happy, I am happy. When I'm upset, run. I don't necessarily like this, but Josh has helped me realize that I am a passionate person. And passion can run either way.

*sigh* It's days like these that make me ache for Heaven. I'm sick of fighting, sick of illness. But that ache for Heaven is good. We aren't meant for this world.

crafty.

well, life seems to be getting into a groove again. which I don't mind. I'm still really busy with work, but I guess that's just summer. It feels nice to be back to something normal again.

You've heard me mention stumble upon. I love it. And its been inspiring me to be creative again, even when I'm so busy. Its nice...kind of like therapy.

here's my inspiration for my current project. I painted an old wood frame we found in our shed, left by the previous renters. "Surprising what a lick of paint will do, isn't it?" I'm really excited how it's turning out. I'm going to use it in the store actually, for a quiche board.

Not quite sure what my next project is. I feel like I'm halfway thru several right now. Most of them are for my spare bedroom. It's my favorite room in the house. We call it the green room.

[I think it explains itself....]

I just painted an awesomely hideous lamp that I found - guess where - in the shed. Yep. It, too, is going in the green room. Ooh. Maybe that will be my next project; re-doing the lamp shade. Finding some neat fabric and re-covering the nasty old thing. Now if only I could find some fun fabric with bright green and orange together...

I love finding treasures and fixing them up. Especially when you already own them. Garage sales are my weakness. I can almost always find something that just needs a little TLC!

July 4th

Well, 4th of July is on Monday.

And I am very excited.

Of course, I have to work (really not a big deal.)

In fact, 4th of July is ususally not a big deal to me in general. I always had to work at the restaurant, so I never got to go to the awesome bbq's that were happening. And Homer never had a fireworks show, because it was too light out. Some people would shoot them off from their yard, or from the beach, but it wasn't anything exciting.

2 years ago, before Josh and I were dating, we were "just friends" and kept up on facebook. (Ah yes. Our generation. So real...) Anyways. We got into a light-hearted discussion about 4th of July, and I explained how the holiday went down in Homer. Josh was rather disappointed, for me. haha. "No fireworks? That's what makes the holiday!" So, he took a picture for me that year. Which, I cannot find. I've hunted for it, several times. Sad. So, skip up to this last summer; we were dating, but were apart for 4th of July. Again, sad. But, he sent me this video.

*sigh* I love this man.

And I feel as excited as a child to spend 4th of July with him, snuggled up in the back of the truck.

Anyone who has done long distance understands. All you have is verbal communications.

And dreams.

You talk about life together, and it is SO good when you actually get to spend it together. It is a beautiful thing when you and your loved one get to fulfill a dream together. Even if it is as small as watching the fireworks together for the first time.

two weeks.

well, shoot. its almost been that long since I last wrote.

needless to say, its been a bit busy.

work, well, its feeling more like work now.

figuring out the schedule for next month, getting in to the swing of having more responsibility, and working longer days, you know. the usual.

somewhere in all of this, I was able to find time to go to a dear friends wedding. it was a 6 hour drive to bellingham, but it didn't feel that long with another friend from school. it was like a mini Ecola reunion. I love those <3

tonight, my sweetie and I are going to double mountain with a few "important people" to discuss work things.

[I say that, not mocking-ly..they really are important...I just don't want to reveal their identities. mwaha.]

double mountain is my new favorite restaurant. amazing pizza, and fantastic beer. might as well be a place to host a meeting, right?

I feel so tired. I just can't get caught up on my rest after getting sick, working working working, and going to a wedding on my weekend. Josh and I have scheduled this weekend to do NOTHING. and I am very much looking forwards to it.

I know that was a boring post. when I get a moment of sanity, I will write a little more about the wedding, and post some pictures :]

slow down.

well, not much to update. day number two, and the store is going really well, a lot better than we actually expected :]

and I did get a cold. oh, how I hate working myself to illness. and I have done it again. thankfully, I'm not missing any work, which would be awful since we're pretty short staffed right now. I've just been non-stop for the last few weeks. 10-hour days were more and more common. I've lost 5 pounds this last week, too. but here it is, my weekend, and I am planning on making myself sleep all day, with the help of nyquil. I hate being sick. I feel so pitiful, especially without Josh here. but I'm pretty sure my body is telling me to slow down. fine. I will. of course, its a beautiful day outside. the house is a mess, we have mountains of laundry to do, and I can't do anything about it. like I said....pitiful. oh well. everyone needs to take it easy every now and then.

today.

today is a video I found while once again...stumbling.

it's my space-out mechanism.

this video is done by a complete stranger to me, but we have done the same thing.

take a photo every day.

his thoughts thru his movie made my heart scream, YES! THIS IS IT! HE KNOWS!

it's such a strange feeling, sharing such a deep passion with someone I've never met.

memories.

life.

remembering.

beauty.

creativity.

oh. I couldn't say it better. it's like he was narrating my heart.

and we'll call this part II of today's blog.

it was our first REAL open day. we had all of our equipment running, and three people.

Justin, Bryan, and myself.

Barista's to the stars! hehe.

It was busy. as busy as a normal day at the other store. our sales were just as high, and we didn't even sell that much whole bean. [it's a big seller in the hood river store, and is a big part of our sales.] so we were pretty darn busy.

we had so much positive feed back, besides an occasional broken-hearted child, due to the fact that we aren't serving ice cream anymore. oh well. they'll live.

I ended up working almost 12 hours today. we got there, bright and early, at 5:30, to finish last minute details. Once again, I was running around like crazy between the kitchen and filling in here and there. it was just a great day. it felt normal, which was so surprising, since we don't know the flow of the whole cafe' set up. it just kind of happened. how wonderful.

anyways, I think I'm getting sick. Josh too. sigh. Itchy throats right now, and a stuffy nose is sure to follow in a few days, I am sure. Can't wait. Trying to stay hydrated, but I know my body. Once I feel the first sign of illness, it's too late.

So here's to hoping my weekend will get me over the worst of my sickness.

before you die...

stumble upon is like crack. I get lost in it for hours. but you find some really interesting things.

like this.

I think its absolutely beautiful and brilliant.

it strikes a chord in everyone.

what matters most to you?

worse.

it happened.

someone actually made a song worse than Rebecca Black's "Friday."

the lyrics are about the same stupidity level, but here are 4 reasons why its even worse.

1. you could at least understand rebecca. Tonje, if you're going to sing in english, take some lessons.

2. there's a key change. enough said.

3. it just sounds like they stole an 80's hit.

4. the rapper isn't actually saying anything new. he's just repeating the already crappy lyrics. good job.

"friday made my ears bleed. this gave me cancer."

open!

well, I'm tired from the long week, and I'm feeling too lazy to write alot. so if you wanna hear about our first day at 10-speed north, watch this :]

10-speed North's first dollar!

Kate and Liam.

this was our set up for the day, as the parade took place on the main street.

oh. and we have an awesome view of Mt. Hood. no big deal or anything.

"Laurel, you should change the sign. it looks like it says 1OS peed."

"One of us peed?"

"Yes. One of us peed a coffee roaster, and we're not telling you who."

a boat float! sweet.

anxious.

still tired.

still uninspired.

still way too busy.

and stressed.

the other night, I had dreams that I was pulling my teeth out.

I just want to get this grand opening over with.

the waiting is killing me

but we're opening the new shop on saturday. at least, that's what we're hoping for.

here's some photos, because everyone loves photos.

oh! ps. good news. I just finished the banquet photos. not sure how that happened. but it did. phew! one more thing OFF the plate.

j-bunz looks guilty...

check out those awesome antler light fixtures...

you never know what treasures you might find...

jeep wore himself out, being such a good underfoot.

a good laugh.

"well, what did she feel about it, and what was she thinking about what she was feeling?"

no matter what, this video makes me laugh.

boundaries.

Josh didn't sleep at all last night, so I drove most of the way to Seattle today. And I suddenly had a profound thought while I was going 70 MPH on I-5.

I was right next to a car, and my imagination went wild. What if that car suddenly came into my lane, for just a split second? Disaster.

[ok that wasn't my profound thought...]

And then something popped into my head that I heard awhile ago.

"There is freedom within boundaries."

"Well," you might think, "that makes no sense, and it's completely oxymoronic."

That's what I thought at first, too. But think about it. Remember when you were a kid, and your parents told you that you had to stay within sight of them when you played at the park? Or to not go past the edge of the driveway? Beyond those borders is danger. It's the same as when you're driving. I've been to third world countries like Mexico and Puerto Rico and Haiti, where the lines in the road mean nothing. It's absolute chaos. But when you're driving in America, people follow the rules with the lines, except for the occasional drunk, of course. But what if randomly, people just decided to drive wherever the heck they wanted to?

[ok, those are lines, but you get the idea...]

Obviously, we wouldn't be safe anymore.

I think people get so defensive about having freedom because they think it means they can do whatever they want. But, if we could do whatever we wanted, this world would be even worse than we could fathom. We are sinful people, by nature. Just think about it; What if we had no laws, or boundaries, or borders, or fences...?

tired.

you've all heard of being bored to tears. but have you ever been tired to tears?

I have.

and it seems like a very common state of mind for me these days.

last night, I took photos for the christian school's banquet. One of the students asked me to about a month ago, before I knew about opening the new coffee shop. The banquet was lovely, but I was so tired. I did my best to take pictures with full energy, but by 9, I was spent, and there was still another hour left.

When I showed up, I wasn't prepared for the setting. I knew it was going to be an indoor banquet, so I brought my bounce flash. But this was a huge barn, where a bounce flash wasn't going to do much. Panic began to set in, which always happens easier when I'm exhausted. And I was exhausted. I think I finally got a good setting for the photos, but I felt so awkward. It's been awhile since I've done a large shoot like that. I was out of practice. It felt like the first day of school again, not knowing anyone. But then I realized there were a few faces I recognized, and got a little more comfortable. But, since when am I awkward and uncomfortable with groups?

I felt like I was fighting myself all night. I was tired, and trying to have a good attitude, but I don't know how well of a job I did.

We open our new coffee shop on Friday, and I need to have these photos done by Saturday. I don't know how I'm going to do it. Coffee. lots of coffee. Maybe I can get someone to help me edit.

I got home around 10, and crawled into bed with my friend Calli, and cried. I felt so grumpy, and I missed Josh. He was in Mosier, house sitting, and I saw him for literally 2 minutes before I went to work that morning. I talked with Calli for awhile, with heavy eyes. And then I realized something. 6 months ago, I was gung-ho on starting up a photography business. Now, weddings and large events like that aren't my forte. I'm more comfortable with individual sessions, or detailed photos. I guess I'm glad I learned that before I started a photography business. Its a strange feeling, realizing that your passions are changing, and your life is changing.