stretching.

ug. my internet freaked out. so this is my second time typing this up. PISSED!! urg. sketchy internet.

anyways. this week is going to be a big push for me.

We have a speaker on creation, which is super exciting to me, because I've always loved studying creation.

But then our second speaker is focusing on James, which I love too. But his assignment to us is this: write your purpose statement.

I could easily make something up...bluff my way through it, like I did in high school, but thats not why I am here.

I actually need to sit and listen. Figure out why I am here. 

Is it just to take pictures? 

To be loud and outgoing and loving?

To find my place, being content as a daughter of the King?

To give up everything and run after Christ?

I don't know. And that's what scares me.

Last week was the same thing. Our Old Testament teacher had us do a 20 minute "quiet time," to just listen, and write down our train of thought, and what we heard. This was so scary for me. I really haven't done this in a long time, but especially after the whole New York thing blew up in my face. I was so scared to sit and listen to God, because I doubt myself. What I thought I heard from God before may have been wrong (or it may be for later in the future). This really made me question alot, and realize so much. When we want something so badly, we can actually convince ourselves that we hear an answer from God, when its actually just our selfish desires. I wanted New York so badly, which isn't really a bad thing...It was with YWAM, after all, but i can see now that my motivations were more for the setting, and not for seeking the heart of God. Being here has opened my eyes to so much.

Fear. 

Need.

Love.

Fellowship.

and i know i have SOO much more to learn. This is just the beginning.

So, if you think about it, be praying for me. To focus...Ecola isnt about taking the best pictures, or the hikes, or all the cute boys. No no no. Its about focusing on God. Be praying that I can begin to see changes that need to happen. Its already started, but it needs to keep happening. I know its going to be a stretch. A big one. And its about time. I'm definitely going to be needing some re-enforcements.